Stages of the Family Life Cycle
Stage One: Single young adults leave home
Here
the emotional change is from the reliance on the family to acceptance of
emotional and financial responsibility for ourselves. Second-order changes
include differentiation of self in relation to family of origin. This means we
neither blindly accept what our parents believe or want us to do, nor do we
automatically respond negatively to their requests. Our beliefs and behaviors
are now part of our own identity, though we will change and refine what we
believe throughout our lives. Also, during this period we develop intimate peer
relationships on a deeper level than we had previously and become finacially
independent.
Stage Two: The new couple joins their families through
marriage or living together
The
major emotional transition during this phase is through commitment to the new
system. Second-order change involves the formation of a marital system and
realignment of relationships with extended families and friends that includes
our spouses.
Stage Three: Families with young children
Emotionally
we must now accept new members into the system. This isn't hard initially
because babies come to us in sweet innocent packages that open our hearts.
Unfortunately, in the middle of the night we may wonder what we've gotten
ourselves into. Nevertheless, we adjust the marital system to make space for
our children, juggling childrearing, financial and household tasks.
Second-order change also ocurs with the realignment of relationships with
extended family as it opens to include the parenting and grandparenting roles.
Stage Four: Families with adolescents
Emotional
transitions are hard here for the whole family because we need to increase the
flexibility of families boundaries to include children's independence and
grandparents' frailities. As noted above, second-order change is required in
order for the shifting of the parent-child relationship to permit adolescents
to move in and out of the system. Now there is a new focus on midlife marital
and career issues and the beginning shift toward joint caring for the older
generation when both children and aging parents demand our attention, creating
what is now called the sandwich generation.
Stage Five: Launching children and moving on
This is
one of the transitions that can be most emotionally difficult for parents as
they now need to accept a multitude of exits from and entries into the family
system. If the choices of the children leaving the nest are compatible with the
values and expectations of the parents, the transition can be relatively easy
and enjoyable, especially if the parents successfully navigate their
second-order changes, such as renegotiation of the marital system as a couple
rather than as simply parents. Other developmental changes include development
of adult-to-adult relationships between us and our grown children, inclusion of
in-laws and grandchildren, and dealing with the disabilities and death of our
own parents. for
what can happen when transitions in this stage become particularly bumpy.)
Stage Six: Families in later life
When Erikson
discusses this stage, he focuses on how we as individuals either review our
lives with acceptance and a sense of accomplishment or with bitterness and
regret. A family systems approach, however, is interested in how the family as
a unit responds and sees the key emotional principle as accepting the shifting
of generational roles. Second-order changes require us to maintain our own
interests and functioning as a couple in face of physiological decline. We
shift our focus onto the middle generation (the children who are still in stage
five) and support them as they launch their own children. In this process the
younger generation needs to make room for the wisdom and experience of the
elderly, supporting the older generation without overfunctioning for them. Other
second-order change includes dealing with the loss of our spouse, siblings, and
others peers and the preparation for our own death and the end of our
generation.
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